Unwanted (Part 1)

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July 28, 2016 by Kanin's thought

I’m tired for feeling unwanted. If you want me, say it. If you don’t then leave me. 


Kalimat di atas sering sekali terlintas, tapi ternyata apa yang anin rasakan tidak semudah itu mengatakan “pergi, ga usah kembali.” Yang ada malah “please, Pertahankan aku walaupun perasaanmu semu.” Hold me, and pretend that you love me till you forget that you’re lie to me. I’m pretty sure it will be hurt, but i’m broken if you don’t want me. And it makes me feel that im unwanted more. Sebelumnya, anin bilang ke diri sendiri “udah lepasin dia, dia rugi ga dapet kamu. Jangan terpuruk akan hal seperti ini, pasti ada yang mencintai kamu dan mengingkanmu berada di dekatnya.” Tapi, ternyata denial step yang terjadi itu ga bertahan lama sampai menyadari hal ini “I feel so unwanted when he choose someone than me, and he’s leave me behind.” Baiklah, tidak apa-apa dia memilih yang lain asal dia tetap ada untuk anin. Maunya sih begitu, tapi mencintai adalah hal yang sangat egois kan? Benar-benar menginginkan ia sepenuhnya untuk kita sendiri tanpa di bagi.

Haha lucu kalau membicarakan tentang cinta dan patah hati, karena hal yang benar-benar anin hindari adalah mereka berdua. Dan, sekarang harus merasakannya tapa persiapan patah hati. Bahkan, cinta masih belum berkembang sempurna. Harus gugur mengingat semua yang terjadi, hanya kesalah pahaman anin. Betulkan jika memang salah. Banyak yang bilang, untuk anin lebih santai dan tidak terlalu memikirkan ini. Karena sebelumnya, aku baik-baik saja tanpa dia. Dan, yeah…
I’m trying to be okay when i knew you make another decision to love someone else. And, i’m trying to supporting you when you said that you wanna start date her. But, i’m broken to pieces when i still pretend, but you make another decision to leave me for her. Is that not enough to hurting me? 


You make me feel unwanted more and more, kamu tidak menyadari keberadaanku atau memang kamu benar-benar meninggalkanku dan tidak menganggap kehadiranku? Oke, I say that no more about you. I set that to my mind, but you know. This heart still want you. And, still hurt because i didn’t say anything to you, this heart make me feel broken after what i did to her. I didn’t say anything about the heart feel about you. I’m sorry to my self, again i hurt my self alone and hurt alone.


Will you still be my friend? 😦

But, you just ignoring me time to time and it’s make me hurt tho. Please, stay by my side. “I want you to be mind” it what’s my heart say. “Leave him, let him be happy.” It what’s my mind say. Will you help me to loving and want me again? 


Sincerely,

Your Stupid Friend

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